To Teach About Family

Lauren, Megan
Nathan

Lauren and Charlie at puppy training class.

Charlie

Kate before she is introduced to sand.

Kate after she is introduced to sand.

Jon is excited or thinking about something--up and down energy.

Still kind of fuzzy--almost got him not moving.  Jon is perpetual energy personified.

                                                       

Jon was quite enthusiastic about the water.  Meg is a good teacher. 

We got floaties for everyone and a special swim suit for Jon with buoyancy inserts built in.  The sun reflected into our eyes so Meg went in and found hats for everyone.

ICE CREAM TREATS!!!
Kate declined to make use of the stick and went both-hands onto the cold stuff.

Nathan, almost smiling.

Megan, smiling.

Nathan shows nephew Jon how Shaun the Sheep makes noise.

Brent and sleepy Kate.

Lauren and Gypsy

Lauren and Kate

Newborn Kate and me

What is it within me that so overpowers my subconscious?  What is it that always pushes my desire to teach?  

I was working with a new rehab (for my hand just operated on last month) tech and we fell to talking about our families, relationship with spouses, what I did in college, his thoughts on why two people stay together as a couple, my unfinished PhD, the change in the name of the hospital where he worked.  He told one of the other physical therapists about his trick to get children to eat vegetables:  put them on the table and declare that they are his . . . they are not to touch them.  Reverse psychology.  I assured him that method would surely come back to bite him.  You can't reverse direct most behaviors--children learn by watching and trying what they see.  He told me that so far . . . so good.

During the rest of our conversation I was compelled to listen and to talk about how to raise children.  Not overtly, but by using stories from my family's recent past, I tried to teach him how to respect and to reinforce desirable behavior.  Especially I came around to Brent's attitude:  problems need to be fixed, not the blame.  If there is a messy room it doesn't matter who created the disarray--we are family and as a family we will all work together to bring order back to our home.  When children were kind and socialized--when we were at the toy store and no one whined or cried for a toy, when we walked past an ice cream store and no one plead for us to go in and get ice cream, when conversations were balanced and everyone included--in these times, I would thank my children and tell them that I wanted to go and do things with them.  Sometimes we'd go and pick out a cookie at the grocery store, or plan to take a picnic to the park the next day.  When there was yelling or loud disagreements while we were in public, I would (as soon as the child had calmed down) tell the child that I was disappointed and didn't want to go places with someone who made me feel uncomfortable.  

In all this, my most overwhelming yearning was to differentiate between punishment and discipline.  Anger and embarrassment and yelling were ineffective in dealing with anyone--especially children.  Brent's desire to have me feel secure and happy kept me sane and our marriage strong.  When Meg, La and Nate saw me doing something that was usually Brent's job, they would ask me why I was doing it. "If I do it now," I would tell them "he won't have to later."  Our marriage has been so satisfying and joyful, I could hope for nothing more than that every other couple could have the same kind of relationship.  

Now something that drives Brent crazy--another link off of the first subject, kind of.  Going off on a tangent.

I've been reading in the Book of Mormon and again I've seen that those who seek adoration and to rule over others, preach that righteous leaders are only out to get power and riches.  Mosiah told his people that he had never required taxes to build palaces or provide him with an extravagant lifestyle.  He had worked with his own hands to provide for his needs.  His only joy had been the obedience of his people so that they could receive the blessings of their Heavenly Father.  He taught them that they were always in debt to the Lord because he gave commandments that, when obeyed, were rewarded with blessings so that they were in debt to the Lord again.  As a righteous leader, his only goal was to teach his people--that they would be happy.  

Laman and Lemuel continually incited their families and friends to rise up and kill their father Lehi and younger brother Nephi because they said that Nephi only wanted to get power over Laman and Lemuel and usurp their rightful place as the leaders of the family.  Yet, when confronted by an angel and they fall to their knees to worship Nephi, he does not accept their adoration.  Nephi "frankly forgives" them and urges them to worship their Heavenly Father.  Nephi has the same attitude that Brent does--when there are challenges or problems, being able to successfully solve the situation is the priority.  It does not matter who gets credit for the success--because ultimately Heavenly Father's influence and authority are what make it possible for men to move mountains--in accordance with their faith in God and their faithfulness in obeying God's law.

Back to the first subject:

I wanted to tell this man, somehow, that leading his children, rather than fooling them, would be the only way that they would be able to grow up and become as kind, as intelligent, as thoughtful, and as creative as my Megan, my Lauren, and my Nathan.  I wanted for him the incredible blessings--the wonderful life--that I have found.  

As I re-read what I've just written, I like that I want to be like Mosiah and Nephi . . . to be like my husband, and like each of my children. 

Seven Wild Days in July

Kate, Megan, Me, Nathan, Lauren holding Charlie,

and Brent holding Jon

Oh, the more we get together, together, together . . . The more I realize that we don't often get together. But everyone was here this last week.  There are sticky handprints all over the walls and chairs and tables.  There are still flecks of applesauce on my car's back seat between where the children's car seats have been buckled in all week.  I have a sliding glass door adorned with handprints and with generous "kisses" on the surface.  Tonight the house is quiet--not because everyone is asleep, but because La is out in the apartment, Nathan is doing the dishes, Brent is asleep . . . and Meg, Kate and Jon are back with Anton in Maryland.

Enough with the feeling sorry for myself and the days that have just flown past . . . pictures!

Megan Christina Hendry Rytting and Jonathan Anson Rytting

Mother, Wife, Artist, Daughter, Sister and Son, Brother

Lauren Nichole Hendry and Kathrine Anne Rytting

Aunt, Artist, Dog Trainer and Niece, Daughter, Sister

Jonathan Anson Rytting

Nephew, Son, Brother expert car enthusiast

Kate Discovers the Gypsy

She was generally good at sticking to the "soft, soft", but also tried a "poke, poke" or two.

Katherine Takes on the Trucks

As Jon's sister, she gets precious time at home touching or chewing on cars or trucks--

which have historically all belonged to Jon.  She has watched him carefully, though,

and knows exactly how they are suppose to work.

More photos tomorrow.  I still have another camera to download.  Swimming!  Movies!  I hope!

Kate Looking Cute, Nathan Looking Tall, Cranes Eating Breakfast

 Kate looking cute in her little girl outfit.  Meg was always such a tomboy, it surprised me (and her, she told me) that Meg likes to dress Kate in GIRL clothes:  pink, bows, ruffles.  Jon's clothes were always pretty neutral--a car on the front of the shirt and he was ready to go.  

Nathan and me two Sundays ago.  Brent took the photo for me--but after a long "Day of Rest," he was ready to rest.  Nathan and I have become good friends.  It is wonderful that he feels comfortable enough with me to tell me stuff about his problems, his worries, and the Legos that fill a great amount of space in his bedroom.  He is a Sophomore and will graduate with his AS (Associates in Science) this  spring.  Then he is off to BYU.  

Nathan is really good at seeing cool bugs, birds, frogs, toads, reptiles all around our home in Florida.  This was a moth during its last moment of life.  Because it was on a porch screen at night, I had a hard time getting a good focus.  Nathan went outside and !Voila!  The moth is actually dark, forest green and gold with bright stripes on the front of its face.  Amazing.  

These are one of the sand hill crane pairs that rotates around the neighborhood in their search for food.  A few years ago, one of the males was so laid back that I could sit in front of him as he ate and stroke the red crown that covers part of his head.  It is soft, bumpy skin--cool and firm.  None of the other birds that have returned or arrived have ever had this crane's calm demeanor.  I love that these huge birds will follow me around and call for me if there is no food out.  It's the kind of pet that Brent really likes:  no vet bills, no potty boxes to clean out, no molting feathers floating around inside the house.  Also, they don't cost anything.  Big bonus in Brent's eyes.

Brent Thinks I'm Zoning Out and Soon I Will Get to See Lauren in Utah

I was looking over the last few entries in this blog. They have been filled with thoughts about Brent and Nate and Meg--the three people with whom I have the most interaction right now. I talk to Lauren every other day or so. Nathan has now decided that he needs to check up on how La is doing, too. I don't know if it is something that she notices--something that helps--or just another thing to manage as she works her way from sun up past sun down every day.

I haven't been taking pictures of things around me lately. No news of the rabbits or the lizards or the cat. The only thing that I really notice is that time slips through my fingers every day as easily as money does. Cool bugs and spiders, butterflies and caterpillars--where I once would have had Nathan or Brent "Stop! Hold still! Let me get my camera! I NEED a picture of this!" I now notice the creature and then go on with my world. There are so many incredible bits around me--I just don't have the energy lately to document their existence and preserve it in my own record.

Time for bed. I miss Meg and La and Nathan all being here. The house is much emptier than I would have thought it could be

Day Six for Kate

The Original Three!

Meg, Jon, Anton

Megan: Artist, Friend, Vocalist, Daughter, Wife,

and Mother Extraodinaire

Kate:

The Newest Member of the Team

Good news! After a week of throwing tantrums whenever he saw his sister, Jon is now able to stay in the same room with her--as long as she doesn't move or make noise.

Progress.

Kate is now 6 pounds and 4 ounces. I'm attaching some photos of her and of Jon, Meg and Anton. The rest of my photos have been of Jon showing me one of his trucks/trains/cars--the truck/train/car right up next to the camera and a glimpse of his eyes or chin in the background. I'm not sending any of those since the only person who is fascinated with them is Jon.

On Kate's Third Day

Mom and Kate

Dinnertime

Close-up of big brother Jon

Princess Kate herself.

First Photos of Kate at Hospital

New Father, Mother, Brother and Baby

After a long 24 hours, Jon is finally reunited with his mom and dad--and makes peace with his new sister who was smart enough to bring him a present when they first met. It was a Thomas the Tank Engine and a few other assorted train cars. "Toot! Toot!" After Jon was able to spend some time reconnecting with Anton and Meg, I got to bring Kate over and have Jon actually look at her tiny face. He was ready to acknowledge the source of the suffering he had just experienced as Meg and Anton had needed to leave him in the care of others--others he knew, but who weren't Mom and Dad and who appeared suddenly and seemed to take the place of Mom and Dad.

As he first really saw her, Meg encouraged him to "Give her soft pats . . ." which, of course, he did with much tenderness and precision. At this point, Kate was able to "give" Jon the train set that Megan had so carefully choosen and prepared. At that point, Jon seemed to feel that his world was again a safe and happy place. He also remembered to thank Kate repeatedly for the train set. Smart sister. Incredible mom.

Megan with Kate. Both are so tiny and perfectly formed--incredible.

Megan also spends time admiring Jon's new Lego truck and trailer, picked out and constructed and then glued together by Uncle Nate.

An almost-silouette of Anton, Meg and Jon against the hospital window.

This one is for Nate. The Lego creation was a BIG HIT! Jon took it to bed with him tonight . . . very high praise indeed.

It is very late--after midnight--but I wanted to get these first photos up so that you could all see the newest addition to our family. I am tired--Jon emotionally and physically exhausted. I am sore--Meg just beginning to heal from giving birth. I feel overwhelmed--Anton now with an additional child to nurture and care for.

I have it very easy. It is good to be here in Maryland with Meg and her family. Their home is a refuge and an enchanting place where Meg's artwork adorns the walls and Anton's papers collect in columns of strength as he works, serves the Bishop and cares for his family. Jon and I had ice cream tonight for dinner. For breakfast, Jon and I will probably have left-over macaroni and cheese that Meg made a few nights ago. WAAAAA! The world is upside down and all in the right place at the same time.