I was just sitting here in the TV room and it occurred that today was a pretty spectacular one for me. It has been the first in a long time where I didn’t spend the day avoiding pain—so I actually got out and ran errands that your dad needed done. I got to hear Lauren tell me about how she is worried about Adam getting started back in school this fall. Nathan came and found me outside and asked me to come inside because he needed my company. You then called and asked me about something that was really, really important to you. I got to hear Jon do some of his vocalizations. I actually found several things around the house that I had been looking for this week. It seems like the kind of day that I would like to have more often. Nathan will be home soon with your dad. At school this morning, we were walking out of the building together and another student—a woman about my age who is going through this for her first time—asked if we were related. When she heard that I was Nate’s mom, she was really happily surprised. It is not something that many moms get to do with any of their children.
These are two renderings of the same photo. When I look at the rabbit against the 12”x12” paving stone and see that she could easily fit into just one corner, I smile at her small size. Though I suppose that the rabbit is probably rather a he than a she—just the look in his/her eye. I looked on-line to see if I could ID the species—none of the images were better than mine. HAH!!! I haven’t seen our rabbit swimming yet, but I am pretty sure that s/he is a genuine Florida marsh rabbit.

Peter snooches underneath Nate's elbow to see if he can escape.

Here is a photo of Nate and Peter. Tonight Nate brought Peter in to see me while I did some computer stuff. After picking Peter up, Nate offered him a raisin--apparently Peter is still huffy about us leaving him for a week with just a twice-daily babysitter check. He refused the treat--"SMFFF!" He later accepted with his traditional exuberance. We must be forgiven.

One of the latest crane couples to meet me in the driveway each morning for breakfast. His feathers are still wet from a morning downpour. It will always be amazing to me that I can walk out of my front door and have birds like this one follow me around. Over the weekend, I was at a meeting where we were asked to introduce ourselves. One couple told us their names and then added that their favorite place to vacation was where they lived: Florida. I very much agree.

We also have a lone teenager who comes around in the afternoons now. He looks so lonely I will sometimes just walk around the front gardens while he eats, so he'll have some company. There is also a lone ibis--still dark feathers from his baby days--who meanders about the neighborhood all by himself. It's too bad that they can't keep each other company until they find a group to fit into.

End of semester and new rabbit food

Today Nathan finished his last final for the semester. I took my math final on Monday. We've decided to take another class during the 2nd summer session end of June to beginning of August. I will miss the time on-campus. I think that Nathan is looking forward to the lighter weight on his shoulders.

The rabbits have been adjusting to fresh grass as part of their daily diet. I hand-cut it from the borders around my flower/tree islands. When Brent and Nathan mow, the edges don't get weekly attention. This is a good reason to have them let me take care of at least some of the areas. Part of the challenge in this, though, is that right now, at the beginning, they have softer stools and so I have had to taken their rugs away. I cant's keep up with the volume of washing necessary to keep the buns "on rug." They need to be washed and re-washed every day clean out the "smudges". Kind of gross to think about, so I don't. They love the grass and it is actually a good supplement to their fortified timothy pellets and hay. Roo continues to love popped popcorn (unbuttered, unsalted)--Peter and Oops won't even try it. But she isn't happy at all with the generic corn puff cereal that I offer to her brothers. All of them love dried field corn, I will pop off a dozen kernels for each of them every few days. The ultimate treat--the one for which Peter will scale Nathan's upheld arm and Oops and Roo will cram themselves onto Nathan's lap-- is a freeze-dried apple bit. Specifically, it is an apple bit made by Gerber and distributed as "Graduates For Toddlers" mini fruits.

The weather has turned hot. It is still lovely and cool in the early evenings. The yard is in full bloom. The gardenia tree was so heavy with flowers that I had to prune it to keep the outer branches from breaking off. The jasmine has kept the back half of the property full of a honey-sweet fragrance. I planted starts by the trunks of two of our pine trees four years ago. They have taken root and climbed to 20 feet or more. One of our back fences and gates have become covered also. The chain link is now completely blanketed--beautiful and luxuriant. For its ability to convert an eye-sore into a wondrous, pleasant place--I am grateful for the vine's abundance.

I am at school, Palm Beach Community College, in the library computer lab. It is a comforting place with the subdued murmerings of people, the soft "fleip floip" of sandels, and the quick pit-pattering of keys as people type. There is a feeling of contented productivity--no rush, no panic (three weeks until finals), and row upon row of focused faces. I like school. I like this school--especially for me right now. I am only auditing a math class--beginning the process toward a PhD in math. I never finished my English PhD and don't have the interest in starting that over again. There is nothing that I would want to spend a year reading or thinking about where English literature is concerned. If I could find a program that explored the relationship between writing and learning, I would love that--but at the moment, I am too wrapped up in Nathan and Brent and my garden to look too far abroad for that.

I have been so very caught up in the past--my past--these last two weeks. Re-hanging the pictures and artwork that Brent and I have collected over the past 25 years.

A tall, tan, grey-haired man just signed in to the lab. He reminds me of Brent--the way he walks, the unconcerned look on his face. I miss Brent during the day. Somehow just hearing his voice over the phone doesn't fill the ache that I feel when he is away from me.

I have found pictures that I'd forgotten. Brent's parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this summer and I'd also been going through our family photo albums to find pictures for a PowerPoint that Mikie is making as a surprise. Pictures of mom, Brent, Martha, my two brothers, Susan--my three children as infants and in school. Pictures from Utah, Iowa, Texas, Argentina, Florida--other family members and family friends. I see a much older face in the mirror now (I have been focusing on what I look like to myself, and the world) and I understand why a bit better after reviewing all of this history. There are almost 50 years of living in my face--it is good that I look different after all of it.

Oysters, bunt cakes, limp bunnies, photos, family, missing Brent, summer suntans, don't cut your hair because then you won't be beautiful any more, confessions of a fabricaholic, corrugated plastic, clay pots, there will be none of that nonsense here, And we began to live after the manner of happiness. I am not always pleased with the skin on the face I have or how the dark circles under my eyes betray sleepless nights--but I am very pleased with the life that has gone on underneath the skin. I could have never have thought that I could be this happy.

It is past midnight--tomorrow is Saturday. Aphid annihilation is on the docket. I was taking photographs of the buds on my gardenia tree--it's a carolyn thing--and there were aphids all over the newest leaves. Not good. I lost an entire rose garden to mold. It maybe impossible to control Florida humidity. I will not go down easy into the good night on the aphid thing. Living "Green" be --whatever--ed. Tomorrow. Aphids out fertilizer on.

Those two thoughts are not necessarily connected.

Another carolyn thing.

The bumblebee was a fantastic extra from my foray into my yard/personal forest. Cool.