Funny, Funny Mother

In the spirit of the Christmas reading enclosed below, I have included a photo of the cardinal that I have been trying to take a picture of for the last month. Either my camera is too cold and so fogs up; my camera's batteries are too low to focus; I can hear him but not see him; he is in the sun and I am shooting from the shade; OR Nate or/and Brent call me to come and see him and he is gone before I can get outside----all of this has conspired against me thus far. Last week I was outside and one of the lone sandhill cranes flew over and decided to drop in for lunch. He kept calling to me as I went into the garage to get a scoop of seed to spread on the corner of the driveway, but was moving slowly enough that I had time to grab my camera and snap pictures as he strode up the side of the street. I was clicking away when I backed up to get a different perspective and LOW AND BEHOLD!!! the cardinal was there right beside me. I had an empty digital card, new batteries and was shooting from sun to sun and got some PERFECT shots of the red head. My triumph for the month! My left knee is still swelling and bothering me after physical therapy this week--so I will dwell, instead, on this clear, well-centered photograph of "my" cardinal.

The poem below is a piece that I remember my mom reading at a church Christmas party when I was still in grade school. I had tried googling/yahooing it several times--assuming that she had probably found it in a humorous collection somewhere. BUT I found her original, typed copy in among a box full of pictures. It is too good to keep to myself.

SEE MOTHER. FUNNY, FUNNY MOTHER.

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy.

Mother is happy about Christmas.

Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.

Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time.

Funny, Funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother smile. Mother is happy.

The shopping is all done. See the children watch TV.

Watch children watch.

See the children change their minds.

See them ask Santa for different toys.

Look, Look, Mother is not smiling.

Funny, Funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother sew.

Mother will make dresses.

Mother will make robes.

Mother will make shirts.

See Mother put the zipper in wrong.

See Mother sew the dress on the wrong side.

See Mother cut the skirt too short.

See Mother put the material away until January.

Look, Look. See Mother take a tranquilizer.

Funny, Funny Mother.

See Mother buy raisins and nuts.

See Mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar.

See Mother buy flour and dates and pecans and brown sugar and bananas and spices and vanilla.

Look, Look, Mother is mixing everything together.

See the children press cut cookies.

See the flour on their elbows.

See the cookies burn. See the cake fall.

See the children pull taffy. See Mother pull her hair.

See Mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose.

Funny, Funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother wrap presents.

See Mother look for the other end of the scotch tape roll.

See Mother bite her finger mails.

See Mother go.

See Mother go to the store 12 times in one hour.

Go, Mother, go.

See the faraway look in Mother’s eyes.

Mother has become disorganized.

Mother has become disoriented.

Funny, Funny Mother.

It is finally Christmas morning. See the happy family.

See Father smile.

Father loves the fruitcake.

Father loves the Christmas pudding.

Father loves all the new neckties.

Look, Look, See the happy children.

Santa was very good to the children.

The children will remember this Christmas.

See Mother. Mother is slumped in a chair.

Mother is crying uncontrollably.

Mother does not look well.

Mother has ugly dark circles under her bloodshot eyes.

Everyone helps Mother to bed.

See Mother sleep quietly under sedation.

See Mother smile.

Funny, Funny Mother.

Written and performed by Nancy Kathleen Burton Wagstaff

Probably in the late 1960s or early 1970s while we lived in Minnesota.