To Teach About Family

Lauren, Megan
Nathan

Lauren and Charlie at puppy training class.

Charlie

Kate before she is introduced to sand.

Kate after she is introduced to sand.

Jon is excited or thinking about something--up and down energy.

Still kind of fuzzy--almost got him not moving.  Jon is perpetual energy personified.

                                                       

Jon was quite enthusiastic about the water.  Meg is a good teacher. 

We got floaties for everyone and a special swim suit for Jon with buoyancy inserts built in.  The sun reflected into our eyes so Meg went in and found hats for everyone.

ICE CREAM TREATS!!!
Kate declined to make use of the stick and went both-hands onto the cold stuff.

Nathan, almost smiling.

Megan, smiling.

Nathan shows nephew Jon how Shaun the Sheep makes noise.

Brent and sleepy Kate.

Lauren and Gypsy

Lauren and Kate

Newborn Kate and me

What is it within me that so overpowers my subconscious?  What is it that always pushes my desire to teach?  

I was working with a new rehab (for my hand just operated on last month) tech and we fell to talking about our families, relationship with spouses, what I did in college, his thoughts on why two people stay together as a couple, my unfinished PhD, the change in the name of the hospital where he worked.  He told one of the other physical therapists about his trick to get children to eat vegetables:  put them on the table and declare that they are his . . . they are not to touch them.  Reverse psychology.  I assured him that method would surely come back to bite him.  You can't reverse direct most behaviors--children learn by watching and trying what they see.  He told me that so far . . . so good.

During the rest of our conversation I was compelled to listen and to talk about how to raise children.  Not overtly, but by using stories from my family's recent past, I tried to teach him how to respect and to reinforce desirable behavior.  Especially I came around to Brent's attitude:  problems need to be fixed, not the blame.  If there is a messy room it doesn't matter who created the disarray--we are family and as a family we will all work together to bring order back to our home.  When children were kind and socialized--when we were at the toy store and no one whined or cried for a toy, when we walked past an ice cream store and no one plead for us to go in and get ice cream, when conversations were balanced and everyone included--in these times, I would thank my children and tell them that I wanted to go and do things with them.  Sometimes we'd go and pick out a cookie at the grocery store, or plan to take a picnic to the park the next day.  When there was yelling or loud disagreements while we were in public, I would (as soon as the child had calmed down) tell the child that I was disappointed and didn't want to go places with someone who made me feel uncomfortable.  

In all this, my most overwhelming yearning was to differentiate between punishment and discipline.  Anger and embarrassment and yelling were ineffective in dealing with anyone--especially children.  Brent's desire to have me feel secure and happy kept me sane and our marriage strong.  When Meg, La and Nate saw me doing something that was usually Brent's job, they would ask me why I was doing it. "If I do it now," I would tell them "he won't have to later."  Our marriage has been so satisfying and joyful, I could hope for nothing more than that every other couple could have the same kind of relationship.  

Now something that drives Brent crazy--another link off of the first subject, kind of.  Going off on a tangent.

I've been reading in the Book of Mormon and again I've seen that those who seek adoration and to rule over others, preach that righteous leaders are only out to get power and riches.  Mosiah told his people that he had never required taxes to build palaces or provide him with an extravagant lifestyle.  He had worked with his own hands to provide for his needs.  His only joy had been the obedience of his people so that they could receive the blessings of their Heavenly Father.  He taught them that they were always in debt to the Lord because he gave commandments that, when obeyed, were rewarded with blessings so that they were in debt to the Lord again.  As a righteous leader, his only goal was to teach his people--that they would be happy.  

Laman and Lemuel continually incited their families and friends to rise up and kill their father Lehi and younger brother Nephi because they said that Nephi only wanted to get power over Laman and Lemuel and usurp their rightful place as the leaders of the family.  Yet, when confronted by an angel and they fall to their knees to worship Nephi, he does not accept their adoration.  Nephi "frankly forgives" them and urges them to worship their Heavenly Father.  Nephi has the same attitude that Brent does--when there are challenges or problems, being able to successfully solve the situation is the priority.  It does not matter who gets credit for the success--because ultimately Heavenly Father's influence and authority are what make it possible for men to move mountains--in accordance with their faith in God and their faithfulness in obeying God's law.

Back to the first subject:

I wanted to tell this man, somehow, that leading his children, rather than fooling them, would be the only way that they would be able to grow up and become as kind, as intelligent, as thoughtful, and as creative as my Megan, my Lauren, and my Nathan.  I wanted for him the incredible blessings--the wonderful life--that I have found.  

As I re-read what I've just written, I like that I want to be like Mosiah and Nephi . . . to be like my husband, and like each of my children.